We’ve been brought up on fairytales with empty promises of princes sweeping off our feets, reality however gave us something more than a reality check. Amidst the gym selfies, self-proclaimed “providers,” and men who treat women like a pocket polly, masculinity seems to have slipped quietly out the back door. The result? A generation of women asking the same question: where did all the men go? Congratulations to the lucky ones who were able to bag the good ones, unfortunately for the rest of us there’s a new epidemic of princess behaviour.
THE BUILD A BEAR SYNDROME
Remember when women were accused of being “too picky”? The cliché checklist of tall, dark, handsome and must give princess treatment stereotype, was faced with so much backlash. Now the tables have turned, where men are switching up and acting like they’re going through an imaginary catalogue: too skinny, too curvy, blonde but not brunette, brunette but not blonde, blue-eyed but tan. It’s not dating, it’s shopping. And the kicker? Many of these men justify it with the tired line, “We’re the providers.”
Here’s a thought, a steady paycheck isn’t a golden ticket to perfection. Being a man isn’t about demanding a prize for showing up, it’s about building a partnership worth choosing.
THE SHY BOY EPIDEMIC
Then there’s the other side of the spectrum: the shy boys. They’re either ones who linger at the edge of the room or don’t follow up after meeting you. The ones who have prolonged crushes but never shoot their shots. They’re sweet, often kind, sometimes even thoughtful but so paralyzed by the fear of rejection that they never move.
And here’s the problem: women aren’t waiting. Life is moving forward, opportunities, careers, meeting new people, they don’t pause so a boy can muster the courage to send a text. A man who can’t risk hearing “no” isn’t ready for the “yes” of real intimacy.
FROM BATTLEFIELDS TO EXCUSES
Once upon a time, men literally went to war. They sacrificed, they fought, and far too many didn’t return. Masculinity was tied to service, responsibility, and a willingness to stand for something greater than themselves.
Fast forward to today, and too many men have traded that backbone for a victim mentality. The rise of manipulation, gaslighting, breadcrumbing, emotional disappearing acts has replaced courage with control. Instead of risking rejection, some twist narratives, play the victim, or start self-pitying disguised as depth.
WOMEN ARE NOW WEARING THE PANTS
What happens when women are dealt with these cards of entitlement or fear, they step up, initiate and pursue. Before you say they choose to be in their masculine energy, that’s not true. What drives women to do so is immature and irresponsible men. Which should not be the case, women should not be pushed into their masculine energy. In order to have a woman in her feminine energy you need to treat her as such, cue Miss Carpenter’s new song Tears. It’s exhausting and women want someone who can match their energy, not drain it.
THE MASCULINITY GAP
Modern masculinity has gotten lost amidst the societal pressures, and instead of dealing with it or adapting to it, men have chosen to go to extremes and not deal with it at all. Which leaves us with men who either believe they’re entitled to everything or afraid to ask for anything at all. And now layered on top is a troubling trend: men categorising themselves as victims to societal obligation to dodge accountability.
Here’s the secret no one tells men: women aren’t craving perfection. We don’t need flawless abs, a six figure salary, or cinematic grand gestures. What we want is presence, intention, and the courage to actually try.
STEP UP NOT BACK
The message is simple: drop the princess act, lose the checklist, stop mistaking fear for lack of confidence, entitlement for confidence, and manipulation for power. Men don’t need to be perfect, but they do need to be present. Women are not asking for a fairytale, they’re asking for men who are brave enough to actually show up.
