They don’t tell you how painful waking up after surgery can be. They don’t tell you how intensely you’ll sob on your last day at university. They don’t tell you how frightening it is to drive a car for the first time. Many of life’s common experiences are rarely discussed. It seems like the world has decided to leave them to your surprise. One amusing truth about life is that, despite our vivid imaginations, it often defies our expectations. We spend too much time worrying about the future and what it holds, yet what it actually brings is often far different from what we envisioned.
What constants do we have in our lives? We think we have many. Our home, family, and friends. Especially our childhood best friends, whom we thought would accompany us to our graves. Apparently, no, they’re not always there to stay.
ELLE editors explore things people don’t tell you about through this series. And this installment of our monthly series will be about the challenging times following losing a dear friend; one you never pictured your life without.
THEY DON’T TELL YOU IT’S GONNA SHATTER YOUR HEART INTO PIECES
Our minds often deceive us into believing that ending a relationship is the most heart-wrenching experience. However, they rarely prepare us for losing friends with whom we’ve shared everything—tears, laughter, and countless memories. While movies, shows, and books frequently focus on romantic tragedies, they often overlook the pain of friendship loss.
THE GAP THEY LEAVE WILL NEVER BE FILLED
Here we have to mention that line from the Before Trilogy: “You can’t replace anyone, because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.” Yes, you’ll meet other people whom you’re gonna love dearly, but it will never feel the same. The person you were with them is gone, and that gap is likely to remain forever.
YOU WILL NEVER BE CAPABLE OF HATING THEM
They don’t tell you that, no matter how badly things ended, you’ll never be able to hate them. You might feel anger, but loathing is unlikely. Instead, you’ll just lock in the piece of love you have for them deep within your heart and pretend you don’t care. But you’re lying, you do.
ONE THING THEY DON’T TELL YOU: FORGET YOUR FAVORITE PLACES, FOR THEY’LL TRIGGER YOU
Every duo usually has some spot; a cafe, a place that’s theirs. A place that’s as close to them as they are to each other. We regretfully tell you that won’t be your place any longer. Even if you try to beat it you can’t, every memory that you once had in that place is still there lurking around, evoking pain and nostalgia.
YOUR DAILY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN
Sometimes there are people so close to us that our daily existence is shaped by theirs. We share everything with them; what we ate, our outfit of the day, whom we meet, and definitely hit the call-button at our first inconvenience. All of these things will be gone the second they’re out of your life. You’ll eventually learn to enjoy things and mourn others without sharing them with the one you used to.
YOU’LL ALWAYS COMPARE THEM WITH YOUR CURRENT FRIENDS
And you know what? Somehow you’ll never feel satisfied. Although you may now be surrounded with better ones, you’ll always be looking for what you’d missed. Memory has a way of idealizing the past, overlooking the pain that might have been present. But here’s the thing, at those times, you better be practical and aware of what you’ve left behind, good or bad.
THE ONLY THING THEY TELL YOU: IT IS WHAT IT IS
People come and go, and it’s naive to believe that everyone around us is a constant. They’re not. Yes, some of them had made themselves comfortable deep in our hearts only later to leave us with profound pain. At the end of the day, we’ve still had a good memory, a shared cry, or a shared secret. Those people may have left, but definitely not their influence in our lives. We live with those memories, and we carry on.
