They don’t tell you how painful waking up after surgery can be. They don’t tell you how intensely you’ll sob on your last day at university. They don’t tell you how frightening it is to drive a car for the first time. Many of life’s common experiences are rarely discussed. It seems like the world has decided to leave them to your surprise. One amusing truth about life is that, despite our vivid imaginations, it often defies our expectations. We spend too much time worrying about the future and what it holds, yet what it actually brings is often far different from what we envisioned.
You never noticed but, one day, you played at the playground for one last time. One day you took off your favorite pair of shoes and never put them back on. One day you played with your friends for the last time. One day you played in the sand for the final time. One day you went down the slide for the last time. One day you saw your childhood friends for the last time. Your life-long best friend sat with you for one last good time before you had the fight that ended it all. You never knew then it was your last time together. On a random day, you drove your car for the last time and you never thought it would be. Many last times occur throughout our lives, yet we often don’t recognize them until much later, sometimes much later.
ELLE editors explore things people don’t tell you about through this series. This installment of our monthly series will focus on the last times—the grief that hits when you realize those truly were the last times with things, people, and places you cherished.
MOMENTS BEFORE DISASTER
Ahmed, 25, recounts: “My best friend’s mom was recovering after surgery, and things seemed to be going smoothly. Two hours after I’d called him to check up on her, she died. I imagine he never saw it coming. He never thought he would lose her so suddenly. He never knew that was the last time he’d call out ‘Mama.’”
REALIZING THAT IT REALLY WAS THE LAST TIME
Nothing hits harder. No amount of regret can equal the moment you realize it truly was the last time. Yasmine, 28, reflects: “If I had known that bringing strawberries would be my mom’s last request, I would have searched every store to find them. Now, all I feel is unbearable regret that she wanted something I couldn’t get for her.”
FEAR OF ALL THE LAST TIMES THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT YET
The fear of abandonment, losing things, and people will begin to haunt you. One thing you learn through life is that it never gets easier. Life is beautiful, but it is not without heartbreak and sorrow. No matter how many lessons we learn, we never fully master how not to get too attached. And that’s okay. Remember Jojo Rabbit’s famous line: “Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” Worrying about losing people and things will only spoil the good time you have with them.
