“Try not to resist change that comes your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” – Rumi
As spring approaches, we start looking forward to the joys that beautiful days will bring. It is important to stop for a second and enjoy the marvel of the changing seasons, which reflects upon the beauty of life. Resisting change, then, is almost foolish. Life is change.
What happens within us and around us is none other than the reflections of the comings and goings of waves, of seasons. Feelings are ‘meant to be,’ both good and bad; they are an integral part of the human experience, of the fullness of life. We can only feel pleasure to the extent to which we feel displeasure. However, as our consciousness grows, we become increasingly aware of what we feel and develop a fear of displeasure. This fear becomes bigger than the displeasure itself.
The modern man, in his attempts to avoid displeasure, starts resisting it, denying his own feelings, creating inertia and a resistance to change altogether. We do this out of fear and pride. We perceive ourselves as powerful enough not to have to endure life’s hardships. Thus, we attempt to control, utilizing our will, and ultimately, we often end up resisting the flow of life. Instead, we contract, creating tension within ourselves. This resistance leads to inner conflicts that often cause greater suffering than the ones we were initially trying to avoid.
As the eminent psychologist Carl Gustav Jung said “What we resist not only persists but will grow in size.”
So let’s try to approach this differently. Instead of resisting, let’s surrender to the comings and goings of our feelings and to whatever life throws at us. While we may not be able to prevent suffering altogether, we might, at least, limit the suffering that we impose on ourselves.
Acceptance is the philosopher’s stone that transforms all into gold; it means allowing both pain and pleasure to move through us. When it comes to our response to discomfort and pain, the same principle prevails: granting it the full liberty to shriek and protest often serves as solace in itself. We realize that the mere act of allowing softens it.
Acceptance embodies both activity and passivity; passively, it entails accepting ourselves, our desires, and our fears as natural movements of life and nature. Actively, it involves letting ourselves be free to express our true selves and embrace our joys, desires, pains, and fears.
However, acceptance is not something we can impose on ourselves. Doing so would be a subtle act of aggression towards oneself. No one is immune to this resistance; it is part of the human condition. We can only hope to become aware of it and gently work through it. It also involves steadily expanding our ability to sit with our feelings, both positive and negative. It is a slow but rewarding process.
In my experience, I’ve found that the best way to start this process is by reconnecting with my body through breathing, mindful feeling, movement, and the creative process.
Breathing grounds us and fosters awareness, yet it can be challenging when feelings overwhelm us. That’s why many struggle to breathe fully and easily. One can begin with gentle exercises: finding a quiet space, assuming a comfortable position, closing the eyes, and transitioning to the present moment. Turning inward, become aware of bodily sensations and possible contractions, allowing the body to gradually release tension through breath: inhaling to the count of 4 and exhaling to the count of 8 several times. Let thoughts arise and pass, knowing that everything, like the breath, emerges and fades. Placing a hand on the heart for support while breathing can be helpful.
Movement is crucial for grounding oneself in the body. It can be as simple as taking a walk or stomping to feel one’s feet and legs. Dancing freely without concern for technique and shaking can be immensely healing, as they release pent-up emotions.
Engaging in abstract drawing, painting, unintelligible writing, playing musical instruments, or any medium that allows for spontaneous expression can also be beneficial. The goal is not to create a masterpiece but to liberate oneself from stuck sensations so that emotions can naturally come and go.
Life has taught me, especially in recent years, that we cannot navigate it alone. As social beings, our souls crave connections as much as our bodies need food. We need love and support, especially during difficult times. A warm hug from a loved one can provide a sense of safety and relaxation, facilitating the surrender to our feelings.
I understand that it’s not easy for some people to accept or ask for support—I’m one of them. While my heart has gradually opened to it, I still find it challenging at times. When I struggle to find it within myself, I turn to two powerful tools: self-compassion and patience. I remind myself to extend the same kindness and understanding to myself as I would to my dearest friends, allowing myself time and space to breathe through difficult moments.
Whatever helps you ground and embrace the flow of existence within you, both in body and mind, will create the right conditions for moving towards a fuller, more fulfilled life. It all starts with taking that first step, gently.
