Us girls, we know what we want. Well, maybe we freak out a little bit at the beginning, but once things are clear, all the confusion, the anxiety, and the hesitation wash away. However, men are the absolute opposite. They begin with absolute confidence and love at full capacity, only to freak out once things start getting serious. But why though? In today’s article, ELLE editors navigate the psychology of that type of men, and actually try to find answers that solve all the confusion.
Do they freak out because of us? Do they find the whole idea intimidating? Or are they just born that way?
FEAR OF COMMITMENT
Even those who claim they’re fully committed—believe us—they’re not. Men are always afraid of the notion that they might be making the wrong decision. Unlike us girls, they completely—well, most of them, let’s not generalize—decide to carry on with the relationship based on logic more than on passion or emotion. They think everything through—from the early phases of the relationship to how many kids.
MAYBE THERE’S A BETTER OPTION
This is an absolutely irritating secret about men. But sometimes, they panic because they’re stuck in a loop of “what if?” What if there’s someone better out there? What if this isn’t their soulmate? What if it’s a waste of time? Even when things are going great, that lingering doubt creeps in. They start scanning the horizon again—even subconsciously—for something they might be missing.
But here’s the truth: this kind of doubt usually has nothing to do with the woman. It’s not a reflection of her worth, her beauty, or the love she brings to the table. It’s about the man’s own fear of making the “wrong” decision, and his discomfort with the idea of settling into something real. When someone constantly questions whether there’s a better option, it often means they haven’t figured out what real connection looks like—or they’re not ready for it.
In that case, it’s not about the woman needing to be more, or different. It’s about the man not being ready for something he probably doesn’t know how to value yet.
PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
Us girls hate to admit it, but sometimes we go too far—totally mortifying the guy. Yes, the idea that all men are toxic and that they’re always the villain of the story is unfortunately not true. Because in many cases, the real villain is the girl… oops.
In that case, the guy will basically feel the same way us women feel right after getting out of a toxic relationship—that all women are toxic and are probably gonna break their heart again. Add to that: some women are just intimidating. Strong, confident, emotionally mature women can trigger insecurity in men who haven’t quite met themselves on that level yet.
MAYBE YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR THEM?
Sometimes, a guy will be completely conscious of the fact that you’re too good for them. It makes them all freaky, anxious—most of all, insecure. The thought becomes too loud to ignore: What if she realizes she deserves better? Instead of leveling up, they freeze or run. It’s not that they don’t like you. They just don’t know how to handle you.
ARE THEY ACTUALLY IN LOVE?
Guys get lagged at some point in the relationship. They pause and think about whether they really want this, or if they’re really in love. That moment of hesitation might not even be about you—it’s about them. Are they ready? Are they healed? Are they still figuring themselves out? Sometimes, the answer is yes to all.
SO, WHAT SHOULD BE DONE ABOUT IT?
Here’s the hard truth: you can’t fix someone’s fear of love. If a guy is freaking out just as things are getting serious, it’s probably not your job to rescue him. What you can do is protect your peace. Love should feel grounded—not like a constant emotional rollercoaster.
The best thing to do when a guy freaks out? Let him. Then watch what he does after. The right one won’t run.
