Praising men for being emotionally available is an idea in itself a joke and we maybe over exaggerating but we’ve all been guilty. Whether you’re aware or playing dumb, but emotional intelligent men are rare, and when we do find them we mistake it for physical attraction.
Why is it that we’re surprised that when a man listens, is considerate, aware of their own feelings and actions, and how it would affect you automatically is categorised as a heartthrob or hot commodity. This makes the bar so low, that even the middest of men who do the bare minimum get put on a, undeservable, pedestal.
SO WHY IS IT SO LOW?
Before we start pointing fingers to the parents or the society norms, let’s shine a light on the male creators who utilize their influential position to post ‘sigma male’ or worse, those self-proclaiming dating coaches who actually don’t walk the talk. They always preach that men don’t need women, women should be grateful and that men don’t need to be communicative, empathetic, or respectful; because god forbid you’re seen vulnerable or sorry in their words ‘weak’.
But you may be saying, there’s no way men actually listen. Newsflash they’re everywhere, podcasts, reels, tik toks, facebook groups, even Whatsapp groups. It’s even escalated to the point where there are cult-like groups called ‘incels’ who are au fond women haters. Misogyny is disguised as entertainment or “truth-telling,” it convinces women to lower their standards and applaud the bare minimum. Suddenly, a man who simply doesn’t belittle you on a first date feels like a catch.
IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP
Being emotional available should not be awarded. It’s basic human decency to be kind, communicative, and supportive. Of course attraction is an important factor to take into account when picking a partner but it’s not THE factor. Chemistry, desire, that spark you can’t quite name those are just as important as emotional maturity. You shouldn’t have to convince yourself he’s attractive just because he finally admitted he likes you. Hotness and wholesomeness are not one.
SO WHERE’S THE SWITCH
Sisters in arms, it’s time to give these men a reality check. First, rejection therapy works wonders meaning not entertaining this behavior by laughing or mocking, address it heads on and call them out. Second, if you’re dealing with herded sheep send them actual emotionally mature gurus aka the Gstaad Guy podcast. Lastly, do your vetting and dissecting properly by getting your GCs opinion if you find yourself distracted by the abs and jawlines.
Stop handing out gold stars for decency. A man who texts back isn’t Prince Charming. One who respects your boundaries isn’t rare; he’s simply doing what should be expected. And one who talks about his feelings? Great, but let’s not pretend that’s a replacement for genuine compatibility and attraction.
