The so-called salon marriages is an old Egyptian term for arranged marriages that we still use. But does anyone still believe in it, and practice it? While many believe that the principle of arranged marriages is only practiced in Arab countries, the truth is that European aristocracy has, for thousands of years, relied on the practice to ensure pure bloodlines, political alliances, or the upkeeping of wealth.
To date, you will find arranged marriages a common practice in far east countries, specifically India which boasts the highest at a rate of 90% of total marriages.
Whether it’s a parent or a cousin, we all happen to know at least one couple, if not more, who got married the old way. The principle of love marriage was not as common in the past as arranged marriages. In almost every Egyptian black & white movie we love is a marriage arranged harmoniously for the main character, whether she likes it or not. Arranged marriages were simply the way things went.
Things are not that way now. With our 21st-century “norms” and our new-found belief in dating before we tie the knot, most people have abandoned the age-old tradition. Now, more and more people are opting to go out and venture into the world on their own, finding themselves a partner to bring home to their parents. And while many people have found success in their love-struck endeavors, many others have seen their marriages go up in flames. So what’s the truth of it? Is there an absolute right or wrong way to find a life partner?
The truth is, everyone has an opinion on the matter of arranged marriages, and it’s usually based on their personal experience or that of the people around them. A person who grew up in a family built on an arranged marriage, and experienced an affectionate home environment, most probably won’t have a problem with the concept. If anything, they may be encouraged to marry in the same way. On the contrary, some might strongly oppose arranged marriages only because they witnessed the deterioration of their parents’ marriage.
Some people simply oppose the matter because they view it as old-fashioned. But above all, the main reason for the opposition surely is a person in love.
Every concept in life has its pros and cons. This also applies to arranged marriages, and even modern marriages or love marriages. For example, one of the pros of arranged marriages, according to the opinions of some, is that parents always choose what is best for their children. When it comes to picking a suitor, they are looking for the perfect match. Whether it’s a matter of social standing, cultural background, religion, or values. There is a common phrase in old Egyptian films that sums it up perfectly: “We know what’s in your best interest.”
We spoke to two women, Hoda and Zeinab, who both got married the old way. And the conclusion of their answers couldn’t be more confusing.
The first one, Hoda, is a wife and mother in her late fifties. When asked about her experience with arranged marriage, she said: “I’ve been married for 30 years now. Before the wedding, I don’t think I got the chance to really know him; my father simply found him to be a suitable husband. I can’t say we’re lovebirds now, but our marriage is filled with mutual respect and habit. It resembles more of a comfort zone.” Hoda told ELLE “Regarding habits, I have to mention a line that I once read that literally frames my relationship with my husband: ‘A person, who’s been in your life for too long, eventually becomes a habit we can’t imagine our lives without.’”
Zeinab, a loving mother to four children, who she describes as “the light of her life”, and “the only bright side of her arranged marriage.” She got married in the early 80s and suffered the consequences of her family’s poor judgment for 42 long years. Speaking of her marriage which she marked as a ‘tragedy’, she said: “I’ll be 68 this year, yet I can’t forgive my family for a decision they had taken on my behalf 42 years ago. You can say it’s such a long time to be angry with someone and that I should get over it, but how can you forgive someone who turned your whole life into one big misery?” When asked why she didn’t get a divorce, her reply was very predictable. “In our society, especially in my generation, divorce was never an option.”
After touching on Zeinab and Hoda’s experiences, we wondered what a Gen-Z girl would have to say about the matter. Yasmine, a 25-year-old career woman, had a very hostile point of view towards arranged marriages. As she strongly opposed them, saying, “Even if I never get to meet someone who I would fall for, getting married this way is a bold no for me. I’ve been working towards this point in my career my entire life, and getting married to someone who might not see eye-to-eye with me feels like a betrayal.”
The debate about the perfect way to marry does not only take place between families and friends. It is often a plot-thick topic in many well-loved Egyptian movies: I Am Free (1959) and The Empty Pillow (1957) which not only discussed arranged marriages, but also presented the two principles through an intriguing story summed up in the famous quote by the writer Ehsan Abdel Quddous: There’s a great illusion in each person’s life called ‘the first love’… your first love is your last.
And we couldn’t talk about arranged marriages today without mentioning Hend Sabry’s iconic TV show I Want to Get Married. The series revolves around a young pharmacist, almost 30, who missed the marriage train according to her family, society, and even her convictions. The episodes narrate her various encounters with different unsuitable suitors and finally end with her finding love with an unlikely suitor.
The fact of the matter is, that there is no proven method. Nothing is ironclad.
